This article from “The Corner” entitled "The Obama Temptation" gets very close to including the spiritual side of this presidential conflict. I am reviewing Ezekiel 38 and 39 for an upcoming prophecy seminar. The fact that Russian and Iran along with a host of Arab allies will invade Israel with not a single nation coming to its defense tells us that sometime between now and that prophecy the United States will stop supporting Israel. We will go from being a nation that is blessed because we bless Israel to a nation that is cursed because we have cursed Israel. Is this the election that finally turns that corner? I hope not. Very few people understand what is at stake. The political writers see one thing, but Christians should see something even more dangerous to the spiritual atmosphere of our country should Obama become president with Democratic majorities in both houses.

George Washington was said to have had a way of dealing with people that acknowledged self interest in each of those people. Here is a great story about blatant media bias this election season with a George Washington intuitive ending: http://pajamasmedia.com/edgelings/2008/10/24/editing-their-way-to-oblivion-journalism-sacraficed-for-power-and-pensions/

Leadership from the Book of Proverbs

What is a Leader

A leader can get a group of people to identify themselves as a group; and as a group they accept his leadership. This gives the leader esteem and honor. There is something powerful about this man’s ability to inspire and lead. When he says, follow me, people will follow. McCain exhibited this quality as a POW with his fellow POW’s. He wants to claim the position of leadership, but the position of Senator does not put him in the category of a leader. This is why governors, rather than senators, tend to move naturally into the presidency of the U.S.

The problem of leadership in our society is that people have the position or the title without ever bringing people together as a group to follow his lead. He has the title but people don’t accept his leadership. Given our two party system, every new president must somehow transcend politics to become the leader of the entire nation. President Bush succeeded in getting the country behind him after 9/ll. He got us to put aside differences and accept his leadership. President Clinton failed early on by immediately going for the homosexuals in the armed forces issue. The losers in the election, conservatives, were immediately excluded. President Clinton could have used health care as a means of bringing the different viewpoints together to find a compromise that could have brought people together under his leadership.

Obama’s leadership is twofold. One, he is playing the game to get elected. He is projecting himself as the one who truly understands our problems. He is leading a campaign to accomplish this goal. The second or real element of his leadership comes from his commitment to racial and social equality. The people of the left, the elements of this country that see America as a failed nation, are his true followers. He will have a real problem when he becomes president of being the leader of the nation. Should his real motive be brought out in the open to the larger America as he begins to pursue policies that exacerbate the cultural and political divide then he will become unacceptable as leader to half the country. The negative of this would be that he resorts to intimidation and force. He could avoid this by taking on some of his projects, such as healthcare, with an honest discussion of the issues that included the input from the different points of view and reaching a consensus allowing all of us to accept his leadership.

The above extrapolated from Proverbs 14:28

A Leader’s Character

A leader is a natural target. Take a walk through the Lincoln museum in Springfield, IL and view the ugliness of the political cartoons. Today, just check out the anti-Palin signs and tee-shirts to see the uglier side of life. So how does a leader protect himself from these attacks? The two qualities that will protect his soul and allow him to continue to rise above the ugliness and be the leader are kindness and trustworthiness. Mercy, lack of vindictiveness, is essential for the emotional health of a leader. When a leader becomes infected with bitterness and that bitterness begins to show forth through his actions it is an indication that the attacks have succeeded in damaging his soul, the person he really is on the inside. Kindness, mercy and forgiveness will keep him in good mental health. As much as people have negative things to say about President Bush, I have yet to hear him respond in anyway that betrays an inner bitterness. In 2008, as he gets his rescue bill passed he is able to describe Nancy Pelosi with wonderful adjectives. He will make it. This is very different from “the great right-wing conspiracy” that haunted the Clintons.

The other guard of the soul is trustworthiness. McCain has made a career on standing on his word, even if it meant torture in a POW camp. A leader needs to be able to say what he means and believe what he says. We are not talking about the ability of the media to turn anyone into a flip flopper. We are talking about an inner quality that you, not only project, but is actually real in that you are a trustworthy person in your dealings with others. We are not talking about sound bites here, or “read my lips”, we are talking about something that is generally recognized as true about you. As the leader you are trustworthy. This translates out in a respect that people who work with you have and internally you have no conflicts with the conscience. Being found trustworthy and being trustworthy is evidence of a clean conscience and a healthy soul.

Of these two qualities, kindness and trustworthiness, it is kindness that will establish your authority and build a foundation for those following you at that position. People will always remember the acts of kindness more that the acts of revenge and spite.

Proverbs 20:28

Honesty with money is necessary in a leader. The ability to handle money properly will insure his position. Personal finances matter, because it will usually be an indicator of how you will handle the nation’s money. Stewardship, or understanding that it is not your money, is an important concept of proper financial leadership. It is always easier to spend someone else’s money. We don’t expect our leaders to be wheeling and dealing while in office. The first lottery held by the city of Seattle was won by the mayor. His days in elected office were numbered. People feel secure when they see issues handled properly. A sense of justice and fairness must emanate from leadership. People feel insecure when they sense that money is changing hands and distorting fairness and justice. Bribes, earmarks or favors from the lobbyist all work against people’s confidence in leadership. In America, bribes, earmarks and lobbyist favors tend to be aimed at Senators and congressmen, that is because they do not carry the weight of leadership.

A leader’s position is established when his actions are judged as fair and displaying wisdom, or doing the right thing at the right time. The leader should bring honest, moral and wise people into his administration. Each member of the administration is a representative of the leader as well as the people who recognize him as such. When the leader, as well as his administration, is recognized as honest and moral people will be content with the direction of the nation. This all changes when the leader himself acts in a way that is disgusting to your average person. President Clinton, for all of his political skills couldn’t get past the fact that most people consider adultery wrong and an act of personal betrayal. Even his supporters were upset by his action. The entire nation was upset, the politics that followed allowed for business as usual to resume, but it was still a personal failure that affected all of us, no matter what our politics were. Immoral leadership opens the door for the complaints to come rolling in. Whether it is President Clinton’s personal immorality or President Bush’s perceived immorality over the war it opens the door for complaining. A leader should not be immoral or a drunk. A leader has got to keep himself sharp. Acts of immorality and drunkenness will damage the leader’s ability to function in fairness and justice. People who are living in moral, mental or physical poverty are not able to act as a safeguard against immoral leadership. They have not the will to stand against him. The leader must be the voice of the voiceless but when his own immorality becomes his master he reacts to the complaints and tries to suppress them, totally losing site of his purpose as leader.

Proverbs 16:12, Proverbs 28:15-16, Proverbs 29:2, Proverbs 29:4, Proverbs 31:3-9

The Leader and His Advisors

Our next leader will have to give time to and fair judgment to the weaker elements of our society. The status and future of illegal immigrants will have to be fairly dealt with. The nation will know if it is fair or not. The future of social security for our older citizens will have to be dealt with. Once again, people can tell if it is being handled fairly or not. The issues of generational poverty will have to be dealt with in a fair manner. People will know. Addressing the problems of the weaker elements of society establishes the position of the leader. A leader will bring together a staff or a cabinet to help steer the nation. It is up to the leader to keep these people working with him up to the moral standards of the nation. Even as we morally drift, there is still basic understanding of what is right and wrong. Morally unfit ministers have a disturbing influence upon the other ministers working with the leader. You can imagine working in an office where your work mate is cheating on his wife and you have to take the call from her. Unrighteous actions cause friction and problems and it is up to the leader to remove these people from working with him. When the leader passes judgment and removes the immoral minister it allows the work to go forward in a progressive manner.

There is an eerie, uncanny element that accompanies the decision making of a true leader. Anyone working with a real leader will attest to this phenomenon. He didn’t know the facts yet his decision would later on reflect the facts surrounding the situation. This is especially true with the leader and his staff. How did he know? He didn’t, it just seems that way. His staff will recognize this and be hesitant to bring their own petty disagreements before him. Those ministers who are self-seeking will never do well in this atmosphere. There is a need to be open and honest in the discussions that surround the decision making of the leader. A leader gets a special glory in searching out truth in all of the opinions around him. When his ministers see that he does not quickly discount lies but looks for truth in the lie; they will become dishonest and attempt to manipulate the leader. This opens the door to insecurity among the advisors, each wondering if lies are being spoken about them and believed by the leader. If the leader doesn’t establish an arena of honesty and morality his ministers will have to operate in a world of gray ambiguity. The problem being that there is no standard of right and wrong actions.

Proverbs 16:10, Proverbs 20:6, Proverbs 20:8, Proverbs 20:26, Proverbs 25:2, Proverbs 25:4-5, Proverbs 29:12, Proverbs 29:14

Interacting with a Leader

We all desire to be noticed and appreciated. When a leader takes note of you, let it be something he recognized in you and not something you orchestrated by exalting yourself. A good leader recognizes that people working with him want to and need to be recognized by him. Wisdom calls for those working with a leader to moderate their lives. You want to get involved in the real decision making; treat it like a warming fire, get close but not to close. Working with a good leader will require you to tame your own ego a bit. Those that reach a place of working with a leader tend to be those that have excelled in their chosen fields of endeavor. Leaders attract overcomers, people who can get the job done no matter what the obstacles. What qualities will give you the ear of the leader? The answer is a love of what is right and the ability to speak without spite about others. Leaders need to be surrounded by people who can talk with proper respect about others without using their time with the leader to sabotage others. Leaders respect and value people who can speak forth rightly. The cabinet is not the place for the impulsive partisan. It is a time of carefully presenting arguments and advice. A well thought out position, gently presented will persuade the leader. Who persuaded President Bush about the surge with General Patraeus? There is more involved than just doing a good job, it is about looking out for and guarding the interests and reputation of the leader, this is what brings honor and promotion to those working with the leader.

One of the signs of leadership failure is that his councilors begin to second guess him. They begin to think they know better. Their world becomes smaller as they attempt to enlarge themselves in the eyes of their boss by putting down their fellow councilors. This creates an atmosphere of false secrecy and paybacks. In the confusion that results there are some that will give into the natural tendency to despise the leader. This attitude is contagious and can work its way through the staff stopping them from effectively being involved in leadership decisions. The wise ministers learn to flow with the leader and do their best to carry out his wishes; the foolish minister, thinking he knows better, fails to carry out the leader’s wishes. The wise minister will continue working; the foolish minister will find himself on the outside looking in and hopefully will be removed before he can affect the other ministers.

People working with a leader experience the emotions that are linked to the leader. When the leader is happy it calls for healthy emotions for those around him. When the leader voices his pleasure at the job everyone is doing it equals the joy of a timely pay raise.

Proverbs 10:8, Proverbs 16:13, Proverbs 16:15, Proverbs 22:11, Proverbs 22:29, Proverbs 23:1-3, Proverbs 24:21-22, Proverbs 25:3, Proverbs 25:6-7, Proverbs 25:15, Proverbs 27:18, Proverbs 30:10

The Angry, Angrier, Angriest Leader

Not all leaders are Abraham Lincoln. Leaders appreciate being surrounded by people with emotional intelligence, people who are aware of what is going on around them. A leader is angered by someone who not only doesn’t get the job done, but acts in such a way as to bring reproach upon the leader and the people who identify with him. Think of the staff meeting where the leader is angry or pleased with the work being accomplished by those in the meeting. When a leader is upset it can paralyze those working around him. Whoever knowingly upsets the leader violates himself. The picture of this is the tourist kicking the lion so as to get some good film footage only to have the lion rise up and kill him. The leader’s anger can boil over and destroy those around him. All leaders will have their moments of anger. He needs people with wisdom around him to be able to cancel out the more destructive elements of his anger.

Proverbs 14:35, Proverbs 16:14, Proverbs 19:12, Proverbs 20:2

God and the Leader

We must always be reminded that God is ultimately in charge. All leaders, good or bad, are influenced and can be directed by God. This influence can originate from our prayers or the fulfilling of unseen purposes only known to God. Honesty in business comes from God. The standards of right and wrong will always stand no matter what we do down here. We are all seeking to get the leader’s favor in our given situations, but we must always know that justice ultimately comes from God.

Proverbs 16:11, Proverbs 21:1, Proverbs 29:26

I have been reading and preaching from Jeremiah. I have already concluded that the movement towards one world government, economy and religion is an unstoppable direction. 9/11 accelerated that movement, especially in the interlinking of the world’s intelligence services. Now the banking crisis has done the same thing in terms of the financial interlinking of the world.

The thought of an Obama, Reed, Pelosi lock on the American government bothers me. The movement towards one world happens no matter who is in charge. The Democrats in charge allow for an increase in the level of deterioration of Christian values in this nation. Stronger government involvement in abortion, more social engineering always with the understanding that one of the problems in forwarding their social agenda is those of us who “cling” to the old fashion values of the bible.

So I have come to the same conclusion that God spoke to Jeremiah as to what the children of Israel should do following the conquering of Israel by Babylonia. What God spoke to Jeremiah was to stay in the land. Live, work, build and plant even though you will be under enemy authority God will take care of you. So today, should the Democrats be allowed to control all of the branches of government to pursue their most wildest ambitions I am sure that God will protect his people and even open the door for a revival in America that can once again turn us as a nation towards God.

Joan and I went to our first auction today. A small farm house on 4 acres was being auctioned off along with everything on the piece of property. We wanted a second refrigerator for guest drinks and overflow. So we went and joined in the fun. The auctioneer sits in a truck that is driven along the trailers with all of the prearranged items. Joan ended up getting a few needed things and dishes, a great pair of field binoculars and finally the refrigerator for $20. She played it cool. He started at 50, no takers, then 25, no takers, it got to 5 when Joan opened the bidding, it got back up to 20 in 2.50 intervals and Joan persevered. An older than me gentleman allowed me to load the refrigerator on his truck and ride back into town with him. It was a nice day in the sun.

The property was being sold for 65,000. The highest bid was 30,000. It was interesting sensing the economic realities of life as the bid took place. The owner reserves last bid which means he has the final OK on the selling price. He passed. I talked with another man who was going to meet with him privately and offer him 50,000. It had just a small sense of the depression era auction of the family farm. Just a picture, nothing even close in reality.

I couldn’t force myself to continue watching the debate tonight. As I was talking with Joan I was able to verbalize what bothered me about it. It was that both candidates were saying nothing but platitudes, but worse it seems that they were trying to communicate to a bunch of 3^rd graders. Maybe that is an indication of the level of education we have been giving ourselves in America.

Watching Obama wish his way into the White House is scary. For most people he just seems like a nice man trying to help them. But, there is another side to Obama and his supporters that know exactly what they are doing. Obama really is just like me, if I had never become a Christian. I worked some with Citizen’s Action League in California on the fundraising end, I don’t know if ACORN was around then but I am sure they would be kissing cousins. The white guys running the operation were all folks I could relate to. Communists wanna be’s and socialists. I had abandoned my own radical roots by this point in my life. Before I had abandoned them I had bought into the concept of America the evil, and its need to be radically changed. I had been involved in college with the movement against Apartheid in South Africa. I remember one political black friend who was having to make a tough decision. He was being recruited to join with an organization to help the poor but he knew that it was actually making a decision to support the communist transformation of the nation. This was an incredible crisis for him to go through. I think by the time I was working for CAL my attitude could be summed up by the song from the “Who”, with the phrase in it “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss”.

Anyways, the point was that I decided to take a trip to Southern California to attend a Citizen Action meeting. I was told I couldn’t go and then I could, I’m not sure what they were thinking. I went from the all white fundraiser arm to the all black actual members of Citizen Action League who were demanding help in one form or another. Once they got the phony meeting over it turned out to just be a good time to party and hang out. They all knew it was just a phony cover for someone in the name of trying to help them achieve some larger, unexplainable goals. This describes Obama, his friend Ayers and countless other people who genuinely have been working for years to get where they are now. Obama gets elected and this country turns a corner that it might never recover from.

I am really talking about the preaching of the gospel. America is still free to preach here and abroad. We turn a corner to become officially post Christian and I am afraid the doors will begin to close, as well as we will lose the blessing of God.

I just finished reading "Hooked" by Joe McIlhaney, Jr., MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD. The timing could not be better for my reading this book at this time. I am conducting a 10 rules of dating/Marriage seminar tonight. What I read perfectly matches what I preach about dating and marriage. This is one more example showing science finally catching up to the bible.

I would have to recommend this book to all parents, teenagers and especially all school teachers and administrators. Here are some takes:

Sex can and should be a positive experience. It should be the intimate interaction between two persons who care for each other and desire to share their innermost feelings with each other. Sex has many wonderful benefits: the pleasure and satisfaction of becoming an intimate part of another person’s body; verbal and physical communication; expressing and deriving pleasure with a partner; uniting the “two” to become another “one” and, clearly, the potential for procreation.

            But sex misused has obvious negative consequences. When one is forced or coerced to have sex, it is not good. When sex is used to accomplish favors or to influence another , it is not good. When sex is used for financial gain, used abusively, or used to humiliate another, it is not good. When sex results in an unplanned, nonmarital pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection, it is not good. And when sex produces feelings of regret, depression, suicidal ideation and other emotional problems, it is not good.

The book refers to many studies throughout the course of the book.

…research has found that home environment had greater influence on behavior than hormone levels and if parent-child relations were good, hormone levels do not seem to matter at all regarding risky sexual behavior.

The study showed that both boys and girls who have had sex are three times more likely to be depressed than their friends who are still virgins. The girls who became sexually active were three times more likely to have attempted suicide as their virgin friends, while the sexually active boys were fully seven times more likely to have attempted suicide.

The book poses these 3 questions and gives an answer.

Why are those who were not virgins when they married more likely to divorce than those who remained abstinent until marriage?

Why are sexually active adolescents more likely to be depressed than their abstaining peers?

Why to married couples report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than unmarried individuals with multiple sexual partners

The answers, of course, lie in the fact that human beings are creatures who are much more than physical bodies….Our decision-making ability, coming from the highest centers of the brain, can guide an individual to the most rewarding sexual behavior—unless bad programming from premature and unwise sexual behavior during the adolescent years has occurred, causing the brain formation for healthy decision making to be damaged.

The book describes the working of the brain. It points out that the brain can change.

Synapses either are sustained or they are allowed to deteriorate based on behavior and experience.

The book describes different chemicals released in the brain, one of them being dopamine.

It is dopamine that gives us a charge of excitement and rewards us for having the courage to take an action with an uncertain outcome. (Think of any time you tried something new and pulled it off)….it is an involuntary response that cannot tell right from wrong, or beneficial from harmful—it rewards all kinds of behavior without distinction….driving fast. The behavior is exciting; it triggers a values-neutral dopamine reward, and strengthens the synapses that lead to making habitually unsafe driving decisions.

However, sex is one of the strongest generators of the dopamine reward. For this reason, young people particularly are vulnerable to falling into a cycle of dopamine reward for unwise sexual behavior—they can get hooked on it.  But the beneficial effect of dopamine for the married couple is that it “addicts” them to sex with each other.

The next chemical discussed is oxytocin in women. It gives us the reasons for oxytocin release: Meaningful or intimate touching with another individual, creating bonding and trust in the other person; sexual intercourse, creating more bonding and trust in the other person; onset of labor in a pregnant woman, oxytocin causes uterine contractions in association with other mechanisms, results in birth; nipple stimulation after delivery of an infant, helps produce the flow of milk from a mother’s breast during nursing.

The release of this chemical helps a woman bond with her child; and the man who will take care of them.

When two people touch each other in a warm, meaningful, and intimate way, oxytocin is released into the woman’s brain. The oxytocin then does two things: increases a woman’s desire for more touch and causes bonding of the woman to the man she has been spending time in physical contact with.

…behavioral experts have connected the dots and concluded that oxytocin is key to bonding a mother and child, few have appropriately emphasized the similar effect between a mother and father. Just as nature has provided a built-in defense mechanism to ensure that infants are not abandoned, it has also provided a mechanism that words to keep sexually active couples together as well.

            Oxytocin, however, is values-neutral. Much like dopamine, it is an involuntary process that cannot distinguish between a one-night stand and a lifelong soul mate….She may know he is not the man she would want to marry but intimate sexual involvement causes her to be so attached to him she can’t make herself separate. This can lead to a woman being taken off-guard by a desire to stay with a man she would otherwise find undesirable and staying with him even if he is possessive or abusive.

            Finally, an important finding of scientists about oxytocin is that it produces a felling of trust in a person with whom a female is in close contact.

Here is the standard warning we give all girls about the man or boy they are with: be careful when he says he loves you. (if he loved you he would keep his hands off of you).

There is a warning here for parents and young people, particularly young women. If a young woman becomes physically close to and hugs a man, it will trigger the bonding process, creating a greater desire to be near him and, most significantly, place greater trust in him. Then, if he wants to escalate the physical nature of the relationship, it will become harder and harder for her to say no. The adolescent girl who enters into a close physical relationship may therefore find herself, because of the normal effect of her brain hormones, desiring more physical contact and trusting a male who may be using manipulative pledges of love and care only to get her to have sex.

The common phrase is: it feels for right. And they are right the chemicals released in their brains are rewarding them for more and more intimate activity bonding them to each other. The problem is that this bonding is meant to be forever.

When a couple is involved in a short term relationship and they are breaking an oxytocin bond that has formed this severing of the bond explains the incredibly painful emotions people often feel when they break up.

Men also having a bonding chemical released called vasopressin. It is referred to as the “monogamy molecule”.

The neurochemical responsible for the male brain response and synaptic change is called vasopressin. It plays a role in many body functions…Vasopressin seems to have two primary functions related to relationships—bonding of the man to his mate and attachment to his offspring.

As with dopamine and oxytocin, vasopressin has powerful impact on human behavior. Yet most people are totally unaware of it. Men may question why they keep going back to a woman who treats them poorly or may wonder why they never seem able to feel, deep inside, a commitment to a woman after having sex partner after sex partner. Sadly, they simply do not know that their brains are flooded with vasopressin during sexual intercourse and that this neurochemical produces a partial bond with very woman they have sex with. They do not realize that this pattern of having sex with one woman and then breaking up and then having sex with another woman limits them to experience only one for of brain activity common to humans involved sexually—the dopamine rush of sex. They risk damaging a vital, innate ability to develop the long-term emotional attachment that results from sex with the same person over and over.

The conclusion of this understanding of neurochemicals and sex is:

Taken as a whole, these complicated processes offer a compelling pattern. They are designed to lead toward and strengthen long-term monogamous relationships, supporting and reinforcing the family structure that is so vital to our survival.

The authors also look at the development of the brain.

For example, one fascinating finding reports that the brain center for “lust” is different than the brain center for “love”. Knowledge of this phenomenon is made possible by PET scans and other new techniques.

They talk about the failures of most teenage love affairs to be long term.

But for the vast majority, these relationships begun while the couple is young and unmarried are short lived….These breakups are due to any number of reasons,…But in spite of the brevity of these sexual encounters, research indicates that bonding does occur, even when a couple has only engaged in sex a single time.

Further, there is evidence that when this sex/bonding/breaking-up cycle is repeated a few or many times—even when the bonding was short-lived--damage is done to the important, built-in ability to develop significant and meaningful connection to other human beings.

Several stages or forks in the road of sexuality.

Infatuation or nascent love: this is the emergence of interest in the opposite sex during adolescence. An adolescent may have very emotional and strongly felt “love” for one individual and a few months later, a similar strong feeling for another person.

Short-term sexual relationships: these are sexual relationships that have very little connectedness and, according to extensive research, the least satisfying sex. The normal connecting and bonding seems to become damaged by such relationships, often leading to a pattern of serial sex that can last for years.

Long-term monogamy outside of marriage: a sexual relationship that usually results in weaker connectedness, less permanent relationships, sex with somewhat less satisfaction and bonding.

Love: this is the real thing and causes a couple to view each other as potential lifelong mates (or at least long-term mates). This emotion often occurs in young adulthood after the cognitive development of adolescence is largely completed. Though this relationship may not invariable lead to marriage, it often does.

Marriage: this is the sexual relationship in which connectedness is found to be the most long-lasting and strong and the relationship associated with sex in which the greatest satisfaction, bonding, and healthy sexual addiction is found.

Another concluding statement:

Sex practiced inappropriately can both control and damage the relationship. As one writer puts it, a nonmarital “relationship is only as old as it is nonsexual. The relationship stops growing once it becomes sexual, because the erotic aspect will become the primary focus of the (couple’s) time together.” Not only is such a relationship damaged, but the two people involved can also be.

            On the other hand, in a relationship of true love and long-term commitment, sex takes its appropriate place—not at the center of the relationship, but as one of the natural outcomes of the healthy connectedness of two people. Sex will then be a catalyst to the full, healthy, long-term committed relationship it strengthens.

The next chapter is entitled “Baggage Claim”.

As we have seen, sex is far more complicated than just a momentary physical act of pleasure—engaging is sex almost always carries long-term psychological consequences, either life-enhancing or life-limiting.

Statistics, research, and casual observation tell us that many people are responding to these natural urges outside of the context of marriage or monogamous relationships. Forty six percent of all high school students have had sexual intercourse. Approximately 75 percent of graduating high school students have had sex.

The college scene is summed up by these words: Almost none of these students are seriously committed to their partners for the long term.

They take the time to go over the emotional problems associated with teen sex as well as teen age pregnancies. They cover the emotional damage associated with involuntary sex and rape. They talk of another neurochemical BDNF that is released in the brain during traumatic experiences causing social withdrawal and depression.

Discussing BDNF brings up a more subtle question about a less traumatic experience than rape. Will a woman or man who is involved in sex with someone they feel is just using them as a sex object, or having repeated broken sexual relationships, continue to bond with and trust their sexual partners? Probably not. And this crushing of these inborn healthy responses to sex can be one of the saddest outcomes of such sexual experiences for damaging an individual’s future enjoyment of sex and bonding with a partner who loves and cherishes them.

They go out of their way to share the evidence that suggests that living together is not the same as being married.

While it is possible that a couple having sex before marriage will one day make a lifelong commitment, it is statistically more likely they won’t. In fact, as we have seen, the likeliest outcome of premarital sex is simply more premarital sex.

…it means risking much more than a sexually transmitted disease or pregnancy. We now know that there is a further risk--the danger of molding your mind in a way that makes it more difficult in the future to experience the joys of a bonded, loving relationship.

Research suggests that essentially every romantic physical contact between two people results in some degree of bonding. However, such bonding requires reinforcement. We know from studies that cohabiting couples spend less time together than married couples do….If couples are spending less time together they clearly have less time to hold hands, to hug, to touch, to stimulate the bonding chemicals in the brain to flow…The finding that cohabiting couples often spend less time together may therefore explain why studies show that in general they enjoy sex less than married people

            Additionally, cohabitation is defined by a lack of commitment and a lack of sexual exclusivity.

Numerous studies show that when people have had sex before marriage, they are more likely to divorce when they do marry later on. Divorce, however, is not the sole measure of the health of one’s attachment or connecting ability. Perhaps as important is the finding that individuals who have had sex before marriage are less likely to experience martial happiness. They are more likely to have difficulty adjusting to marriage and less likely to experience happiness, satisfaction, and love.

When individuals become involved in sex in ways that are casual, careless, or noncommitted, they are, consciously or unconsciously, attempting to separate sex from the rest of their personhood.

It may be that the biggest damage done by society’s view of sex is the attempt to separate the sex act from the rest of what we are….It has hurt us in one of the most fundamental aspects of our beings, our need for connectedness with another.

Short-term sexual relationships may result in the brain’s response with oxytocin and vasopressin, but they are more of a “quick fix” that do not qualify as the kind of long term connecting the human needs for wholeness.

Final glimpses of hope for all of us who have failed.

However, the human spirit is strong, and no one should feel he or she cannot change or find a way out of the cycle. There are ways. It may be a spiritual rebirth. It may be a firm decision and a strong will. It may be counseling.

We have emphasized that the behavior and experience of today can cause our brains to gel in such a way that good or bad habits develop and that our brains make us continue either good or bad behavior as a matter of course because that is “who we have become.”

It appears that the most up-to-date research suggests that most humans are “designed” to be sexually monogamous with one mate for life. This information also shows that the further individuals deviate from this behavior, the more problems they encounter, be they STDs, nonmarital pregnancy, or emotional problems, including damaged ability to develop healthy connectedness with others, including future spouses.

I will try and comment on this later, but wanted to put it out there. Once again I really recommend getting the book: "Hooked" by Joe McIlhaney, Jr., MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD

I watched the vice-presidential debate. Both, held their own, I liked Palin more. Tonight and tomorrow those that support Palin will say she won and those that support Biden will say he won. So the issue will be what prejudices are held by the talking heads that will explain it to America. As I write the 3 speakers following the broadcast all agree that Biden won and are pointing out the bad things about Palin and the good moments for Biden. I can be sure that they will be not point out anything bad about Biden. More and more I have a sense that a page is about to turn, and Palin’s warning of our nation losing something forever is very possible.